Hmmm

At the moment nothing new really seems to be happening. It's kinda good I guess but i really feel the need for something new. I always feel myself beging for change, whether its a change of relationship or a change of route to school in the morning. Ohh well. I havent really had much to blog about at the moment but I do want to say that im greatful for the current situation i'm in where there is no conflicts and no haters. until tomorrow, Amelia

Thinking

Tody I have found myself in a deep train of thought, again. I like my deep thought process but its distracting and most of the time I end up wondering why I didn't do something and what was wrong with the choices I have made.
Recently, I have had a change of thought. My recent train of thought is unfortunatley in regard to a relationship, for whatever reason, didn't really exist. It an annoying situation, but, I do usualy stick with the common beleif that everything happens for a reason. I know why it would be a good thing that nothing developed but I just wish I had a chance to go back and change some things.
At times I feel I need to help when I see something wrong with someone or something but there are times where I can't help or change what's going on. This is one of those times. Oh well. I'm just gonna do as Rhianna says and 'live my life'. Someday I'll change the world.

pop/punk

Today on the bus something strange happened to me. i turned my ipod on and instead of listening to fall out boy, a day to remember or blink182, i turned on justin. yes. justin bieber. i felt i needed someone my age to listen to. i mean, i completely understand that this 17 year old child hasnt been through half the relationship struggles that he sings about but theres something comforting about the sound of his voice. it doesnt sound like he's complaining and it doesnt sound like hes trying to change the world with he's teen agnst; rather, it makes me feel posative and close to someone who is human.
In saying all this, if i met jusin bieber i dont think i would go crazy over his good looks or anything and i would NEVER give up on blink182, fall out boy or ADTR. ohh well. i think my reasons for listening to a teen pop sensation are completely diffrent to millions of other screaming pre-pubesent girls.

The Rain

This morning I got up and it was raining. Not the kind of rain which is falling so hard that it wakes you up or distracts you from sleeping, but a soft kind of rain. Throughout my whole life I have felt completely comforted by the soft sound of the rain and lately i've found myself taking refuge in that sound.

Lately i've also found myself wondering why I have lost certain people in my friendship groups but ive realised that it has been me pushing them away. I now know that I have a beautiful group of people around me and I have'nt even noticed how genuine they were until this time. I think its necisarry to have fewer but more genuine friends than a large group of familliar faces.

I have also noticed myself reminissing about previous times in my life; Mainly about my childhood when I just lived in the 'here and now', rather than spending my time just thinking about what I should have done and what I should do in the future. I've also been thinking about several friends who i've lost along the course of my life who are just about impossible to get back. I can't stand thinking about these people because I always end up feeling so upset with them and myself. Sometimes I just cant help it but be upset with them because whilst I know that I could have contributed to the friendship more, I look at them and think "how could you be so immature?" or "how can you be so naieve?". Its like they dont have any guidence, and thats what makes me upset. When i'm friends with someone, I care, and I will never stop caring.

pictures

my beautiful sister georgia and her equally lovely friend catlin.

this is one of my favourite photos ive ever taken. I love it because it was the night of haloween last year and, to me, it seems to capture the whole idea of childhood and having fun with your friends. it completely disregards all teen troubles and all fights and disagreements. i love its sense of innocence.

in a nutshell i feel that it resembles my utopian wish for a trouble-free teenge life, but unfortunatley, that is non-existant.

art class

sitting here i forget all my troubles, although people still love to sit and talk about their 'major issues'. sometimes i would love to sit in art class, on my own, with my ipod in my ears, all day long. unfortunatley this is a utopian fanticy which can never be lived. oh well. back to work.

some of my stuff from my head